Despite myself

I miss her.

Contrary to everything I want

everything I know I should feel

I feel only regret

that she's gone.

Despite it all

despite myself

I miss her.

I wish it were not so.

I wish I were smarter

wish I held her in lower regard

wish that I'd move on

as she has

as she did

so long ago.

I wish I could stop missing her

but I keep missing that mark

and I think only of her.

Well, I think of other things, too.

I think of our walks, talks

the caulking in her bathroom

I tried unsucessfully to fix.

I think of the times

I've tried to rhyme beautifully to her

to no avail.

I think of the events and the areas

around her

all the time.

But through it all

there is an eye

in this storm of memories

where she remains.

There is an emptiness

inside my brain

my stomach

my soul

which I thought would already be replaced.

It has not.

I miss her.

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