RESOLVED

This has been a horrible start.

I have broken my diet

and sworn profusely.

I have cheated my employers

cheated on my girlfriends

and chatted with communists.

I have sinned in my heart

and in my head

and with my penis

- ten feet from here.

The year is twenty-seven hours old

and I have broken every commandment

I resolved to keep

(along with several I should have).

It's already proven to be a bad year

to be honest, good, or just.

Maybe I should just start next week...