THE ANSWER

Son of a bitch.

I just realized what's been bothering me

for the last few weeks.

I just saw what's gotten me in such a god damned funk.

I just realized that I love you

and THAT'S why I haven't slept well

and THAT'S why I haven't been eating

and that - THAT'S why I haven't said two words to you

when all I'm thinking about is where you are

what you're doing

and who you're doing it with.

I am in love with you

which has made me miserable.

I want to be with you

which has crushed my soul.

I hope to spend all my days with you

which has left me

- I now see -

with nothing more to hope for

no expectations

no beliefs

that don't somehow relate to you.

A shining gate has closed before my third eye

and I have no future

beyond that which you grant.

Avenues have been shut

paths crossed off my list

I have less and less to expect from life

unless you say no

- and really, what chance is there of THAT?

So I doomed

doomed to be with you, forevermore

and not even because you caught me

blackmailed me deviously.

No, I will be yours, unfortunately,

because I wish to be

which is the reason

I realize

that I am so miserable.

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