AN OBVIOUS EXPLANATION

The semen stains on my back

make much more sense than you'd think.

You see, I was masturbating

- using my old Hoovermatic 1500 -

just placing my member over the nozzle

and letting technology work for me.

It wasn't the first time I'd done that

but it might be the last, for

as my machine was doing the work of man

- or beast -

it got a little excited

(OK, maybe it was me) and

the nozzle came off of the generator

flying about, serpent-strange,

spraying everyone about

with my loving manjuice.

Luckily, since this was an act of isolation

I performed

the only one impacted

was me.

So there you go

a reasonable explanation

for the semen stains upon my own buttocks.

It is not a strange thing;

they are my own.

So please, in the future,

do not jump so speedily to conclusions.

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