MISS YOU LII

I miss you.

I keep thinking it'll pass

keep believing that it has to

that I must free myself of your heavy shadow

whether I want to or not.

I keep swearing that this is the last time that I'll call

that I'll write

that I'll find myself wandering on your landing

waiting for you to arrive

wishing that you'd shine on me

one last time.

I keep thinking the addiction

has finally passed

and I could get a look

a whiff

an instant of you

without it bringing me back

to exactly where I mustn't go.

I keep hoping it's over

and it never is.

Each time I think I've pulled myself out

I find myself in your holy presence again

and the need reboots.

I wish it were otherwise.

I wish I were free.

I wish I could find the center of my urge

and smash it

crush it

blow it with high-powered explosives.

But even if I tried

I'd fail.

No matter how much I want to break my hunger

you still feed me.

Whenever I want to hit the end stretch

I find I still miss you.

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