DESPERATELY SEEKING

I looked everywhere for you

or some remnant of you

or anything that had anything to do with you.

I looked in our old apartment

I looked in your new apartment

I looked in the hospital

the homes

the holy places

the hearth

the heart? I looked everywhere!

I guess you're really gone.

I guess you really left.

I interviewed relatives

I argued with employers

I attacked institutions,

insinuating implications about your exodus and arrival.

By then, of course,

the quest had long since ceased to be rational,

merely an event finding its own increasing speed, a desperate need,

like trying to peek under her dress,

all for a glimpse of panty.

Who the hell cares about panties?

Still, I searched.

I sought signs.

I yearned to find you

or some part of you

or some evidence of you.

I found nothing.

I guess you're gone.

I guess you left.