CAN'T DO

People say that they are their own worst critic,

and I rarely agree.

I am their worst critic.

Harsh revenger of mediocrity

lord of critiques

master of disastrous value judgments

I am all that, and so much more.

Feel free to give me your thoughts,

so I can aptly tell you how ill-suited they are

how poorly constructed

how aimless and weak.

Tell me of all your creations

so that I may destroy them.

Send me your tired, your poor,

your yearning pieces of crap,

and I shall tell you exactly what they are worth

(and be certain, I will not over-rate them).

I am the voice of honesty.

I am the voice of destruction.

I am the harshest critic

and I charge twenty dollars an hour.

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