HATE

I should hate you

and I do

sometimes

but really

I just can't hold it together.

More often than not

I think of you well

imagine you with a smile on my face

consider you sweetly

happily

lovingly.

I wish I did not.

I wish I could remember you

the way you were

hard and cruel

and evil to the extreme.

I wish I could know the truth

that I think of so often

but somehow

something you do

in some way I will never be able to explain

the real you remains in my blind spot.