YOUR DEAD MOTHER

Your dear mother had some final thoughts to bestow:

� Don't count your chickens before they hatch.

Don't count chickens at all.

Sell eggs.

There are far more vegetarians than vegans.

� Wipe your feet before you enter my old home.

Just because I'm not there to clean up after you and your father

is no reason to be a slob.

And for god's sake, boy, shave!

� Do that which makes you happy

but be sure that it earns you $75k minimum

with a predetermined settlement package.

� You should be nicer to your father.

He's not a bad man

he's kind and generous

- he's a much better man than you.

� Please remember

my son

I love you

and I want you to be happy.

More important, though

is that you bury me.

It's been two months.